Yes, Yes I Can

So we have established that I cannot get a job. 
This is clear. 

Today is A-Level Results day, which is a happy day for so many young and bright individuals, finding out they've got into their first choice universities, beginning the path down Freedom Lane, Freshers Square, Social Alley, Drinking Drive, working hard towards a degree, many new future Doctors, Dentists, Accountants, Solicitors, CSI investigators... great news and congratulations one and all. I do truly mean that, despite the way it may seem to be coming across. Genuine congratulations. 
However this also means that a new Academic year is right around the corner, meaning... plenty more unemployed graduates seeking employment. Many more people fumbling down Jobless Street, Inexperienced Avenue, Rejection Road. More applications to all the jobs that I can apply for. Making my search twice as hard as it already was. 
I'm not saying I am more superior or more of a priority than any of the other 253,121* unemployed people within the West Midlands. I am clearly stating that it will indeed become that little bit more difficult. 
So whilst I am struggling with this I need to put my focus on something else. 

Something that I can achieve. Something that I can do. I can't get a job, I can't magic up money, I so wish I could but alas I cannot, I can't bring World Peace etc. But I can do this. 

We all know I have been struggling to get back onto the WW wagon since the Big Day. I am no longer 6.5lb away from my goal, I am more like 24.5lb away. But this is ok. 
I spent the last 2 years focusing so hard on achieving my goal that I let it take over and become so controlling that in fact it had a negative impact. After a long think this weekend it truly dawned on me that I have let the plan control my every move in such a way that only rebelling was the key. I always took one step forward, five steps back. It got myself nowhere, and got myself feeling very low & unhappy. But not anymore.
I am reverting back to my original ways, the way I was when I first started. 2010. When I managed a 50lb loss in my first year. Unlike last year, with a total loss of 4lb. Yes 4lb in 12 months. It is still an achievement and I have still come along way since November 2010 but still. This is going to change. To change, to focus on it day by day, not week or month, not target driven to my next goal. Let the goals come to me.  

I signed up to become a monthly member at my local leisure centre with my Sister in Law. I found a few classes I enjoy and will start doing these on a weekly basis, some weeks I'll partake in more classes than other weeks. But I will not turn it into a MUST, but a WANT. If I don't feel up to the class on the Sunday morning then I won't go, if I go to a class and I mess up a move, then laugh it off, I am not letting it become so serious and controlling, else I'll give up. I don't want to give up anymore. 
I am not a gym bunny, never have been and never will be. I go with my head held high, I do the classes, if I mess up then I join back in, if I feel its getting to much I slow it down rather than standing on the sidelines and watching. I leave knowing I have done an hours worth of exercise better than last week, and I leave looking like a beetroot. But it will be worth it. 

I can't control much but I can control getting to my goal and becoming the Not So Skinny (but slimmer) Minnie that I have always wanted to be. I will achieve this. 
I know when that day comes I won't be truly happy and as most other women will always have this underlying dysmorphia around how I see myself but I will be able to focus on the positives and see how far I have come and knowing that, will get me through the down days. 

So bring it on Body Attack, Steps, Legs Bums & Tums, Aquafit, and whatever else I find amongst my way. 

I may not be able to control and sort out the other annoying rubbish going on in my life right now, it would definitely be so much easier if I could I can assure you BUT one way or another this I will sort out.

If someone wants to offer me a job along the way...  well, I wouldn't complain. 

*as of January - March 2013 reported in the Birmingham Mail 

Job Seeking: Employable or laughable?

Try and stay positive. 

It will happen soon. 

There's something out there for you. 

So many times I've heard this recently. I have one thing to say to those comments. 

Easier said than done. 

Funny though, what many people don't realise is, those who say that to me... they are the ones with a job. 
They are the ones who don't see behind the fake smiles and fake upbeat attitudes. 
They don't see you spending endless hours searching for jobs. 
They don't see the other side. 

The hours trawling all the job sites. Results show 1000+ jobs. 
Take the first 1000. Now look a little closer. How many of those 1000 jobs can you actually apply for? 
Firstly, rule out the 500 Manager roles, then the 250 odd jobs with a mix of Deputy Manager, Assistant Positions or jobs that require 5-10 years minimum experience within the specific role. 
That leaves 250 possible job applications. 
Out of those 250, 150 positions require alternative qualifications, experience within a specific area or at least 2-3 years minimum experience overall. 
That leaves 100. 
At least 50 of those are graduate positions. Maybe my luck has changed, I'm a graduate with a decent degree right? Great. 
No. 1-2 years minimum experience or a degree grade above what I have achieved. Kick in the teeth or what. 
50.
25 of these are no experience needed, no degree or other qualifications, immediate start, minimum wage. Fine. Let's apply. These are more 'up my street'. Read the fine print before clicking 'apply'. 
Sales & Marketing. No specific wage, commission based. 
Turns out one or two of these I have actually applied for before. Same job, on more than one occasion. Oh look, immediate interview, same spiel, same Manager scrawling all over some paper explaining the job role, same phone call 3 hours later to say I got through to the next stage - a staged door to door walk through. No. 
That leaves 25. 
15 are retail positions. OK that's fine. No. 14 require previous retail experience, usually a minimum of 12 months. Those that don't, are for 0-5 hour contracts. 
1 I can apply for. That 100+ others have also applied for. But I do. 
Woo 1 job application so far. 
10 left.
10 Admin based job roles. Majority of which 100+ others have also applied for. That doesn't necessarily mean 101 other people. It could mean 101, it could also mean 2-300 other applicants all looking for the same basic job role, filing, data capturing etc. That's all fine with me. Go for it.
10 more job applications made. Phew. 11 out of 1000. 

Better than nothing is what most people say when they hear I've managed to apply. 
Or is it?

No call back. No reply. Or if by some miracle I do hear back its usually a bog standard 'thanks for your application, we have reviewed the situation and unfortunately you have not made it through to the next stage. We have gone with someone more suited to the role'.

How? 
I have IT Skills, I know how to organise a folder and files, I have a good telephone manner, I grew up in a family business, I've done data capture, I'm a team player, I work hard, I'm eager to learn. 
What am I missing?

Oh what, the 1-2 years minimum experience needed to prove that to you? Maybe if you let me get to the interview stage and meet me in person you will see I am just more than a few words on a piece of paper. A CV doesn't show you Me.

A person cannot gain work experience without being offered work in the first place.

A person who tells me to stay positive, doesn't see all that.
They see no interviews, no call backs, no success story so automatically assume I'm doing nothing.
I say I applied for 11 jobs today. They say go you! Well done. I'm sure that one of those will be the one for you! It'll happen any day now. 
But when they don't see the any day now appear they just assume that I am sitting around on my lazy behind - which yes I may be doing right now as I write this - but what you don't realise is the 5 or 6 tabs I have open alongside Blogger, with job applications and job websites. 

The alternative comments off other people include 
"why don't you go in stores and hand out CVs the 'old fashioned way'."
I have tried that and there are usually 2 or 3 follow up comments.
'Please check our website for further details as we cannot accept CVs directly.'
'We have no job openings at the moment.'

Or even better, the ones that do accept CV hand-ins. A look that makes you feel so degraded, so humiliated for even asking the question that you wish you could snatch the CV back and erase the last 10 seconds of your life. The looks can vary from what on earth are you talking about, to oh dear me, asking for a job? My, you must be desperate, or don't be so silly do I look like i give a rats rear end that you're unemployed and seeking work, I'll just play along and say I'll put it aside and when something comes up we will be sure to give you a call.
Roughly translated as, as soon as you turn your back that CV is going on the pile to collect dust along with all the others that within a couple of weeks we will have accidentally on purpose forgotten about and there is no way we will be calling YOU back.

So back home you go, deflated, depressed, humiliated. 
Back to the laptop. Back to the Internet. Back to the Job websites. The cycle starts again. 

It's not all fun and games people. We can't all just stay positive. 

Here Comes The Bride....

.... or at least she did 8 weeks ago! 
No idea where the time has gone. But 8 weeks ago today I had been married for 5 hours 38 minutes. 

So think it's high time I got back into the ol' blogosphere and gave an all important wedding update! Well, important to me at least! 

I'm now a Mrs. I did it. I walked the plank. I made my dreams a reality. However you want to look at it. It happened. I married my best friend and had the most amazing day of my life! I'm extremely happy & loved up! 

Wedding update over. 
Nahhhhh, just kidding!! Would I really do something that short?! Don't be simple. My middle name starts with R. R for ramble. 

As most brides say 'it was the most wonderful day of my life', but it truly was. For starters I was unbelievably jammy with the weather. Or so my dear Mother so nicely exclaimed. 
The week prior to the big day it was cloudy and rainy, and the Saturday was looking like cloud & sun, and Sunday was reporting as 'cloudy'. Which was fine for me. As long as it stayed dry I was a happy bunny. That's all I wanted. So boy was I surprised when I looked out the window Sunday morning to see bright blue skies, beaming sunshine, absolutely beautiful. Grannypants truly was looking down on us today! 

I awoke at around 6.15am with the maid of honour. All calm & chilled, and very excited! We had our showers and then went to meet Dad with the key to the bridal suite for us to move into to get ready. Hairdresser arrived at around 7.30am & then it began.

It all kicked off with the mother. Then my maid of honour, then my bridesmaid & flower girl when they arrived later on. That's when the waterworks hit. From my bridesmaid. 
Me? I was sat on the sofa all morning, cool as a cucumber. Noone could believe or understand how calm I was! What was there to stress about? Pampering morning, shining sun, nothing to do for 2 hours! Bliss.

Then it was my turn. My hair first. That went fine. My stomach started to churn a smidge, and those pesky butterflies started to appear. It slowly passed.
Then it was my make up. My stomach started backflipping all over the place but with a serene calm look upon my face. 
As I went into the bathroom to put my dress on. Thats when it struck. Oh wow. Stomach knots, butterflies, backflips, all in one. 
It wasn't until I had done my interview and walked back round to meet the wedding party before the entrance that it truly hit. I looked over at my Mom and Maid of Honour & the emotions & waterworks began! 
The processional began. I followed with my Dad, gripping tight for what seemed like forever. Straight down the aisle - a little too fast if the video is anything to go by, but hey ho!
It was so overwhelming and emotional, the whole ceremony was a blur, now I know most brides say this, but mine truly was, my vision was blurred the whole time from holding back the tears! Whilst bearing the biggest smile I've ever had before! No wonder my cheeks hurt by the evening! 

Ceremony over, reception & photo time in the lovely gardens, sun shining, everyone chatting, everyone happy. Even being attacked by my dear darling cousin & a box of confetti could not wipe the grin off of mine and my HUSBAND(!!!!)'s faces! 

The room looked beautiful for the wedding breakfast. All my hard work felt like it truly was being paid off! All my secret Mickey's worked wonderfully throughout the day! 
The Grooms speech was beautiful, some lovely worlds about my girls and his new wife(!!!!). Ah shucks!! 

The evening reception room was also laid out beautifully. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. Especially with the photo booth. This was a last minute extra, and boy was it worth it!!! We knew people would like it but we couldn't believe how successful it was. We got a copy of everyone's pictures placed into a Guest Book which was such a lovely keepsake! 

Our cake, well, what can I say. 

White Chocolate Sponge with white chocolate chunks & white chocolate buttercream.
Dark & White Fudge Sponge with fudge pieces & vanilla buttercream and Cadbury's Fudge shavings.
Sticky Toffee Sponge with toffee chunks & vanilla buttercream and toffee sauce. 
Yum. 
Some left in the freezer if anyone fancies a lick. 

The dance floor was never empty, which was my biggest worry. Even if at times it was only 2 or 3 of the children dancing away, it was never empty! Chris even got a few of his MJ moves in with his friends! Oh how proud I am!

It really was such a magical day, with close friends and family.
There were so many who couldn't share in our special day with us, but we know that somewhere, somehow they were all looking down on us, smiles across their faces, so very proud of us. 
A day never to be forgotten with so many lovely memories made. 

Maybe dreams do come true after all!